By Dan Moyane
As we celebrate Father’s Day in 2025, and mark Youth Day, on June 16th, I believe we need to give Father’s Day a new meaning in South Africa, by committing to take steps to end absent fatherhood and to become solid role models for young men.
It cannot just be a day when we praise present fathers and adults who have admirably assumed the mantle of fatherhood under different social circumstances.
I am aware that many children are growing up without their biological dads.
For these children, the role of a father is held by other male figures – an uncle, a mkhulu, or a male guardian.
I know of men of my generation who depended on reputable men outside their immediate family circles, like football coaches, as fathers during their younger days.
Some were lucky enough to have these adult men play a pivotal role in their upbringing as role models to look up to.
Call me conservative if you may, but I belong to the school of thought that views the presence of both mother and father in the life of a child, as very essential.
But life does happen, and when it does and a father becomes absent from their child’s life, it creates a huge gap in the upbringing journey.
That is why we recognise and salute the people who step in and take on the fatherhood responsibility.
As I reflect on this Father’s Day, I am convinced that the issue of absent fathers is the root cause of many ills afflicting our young men today.
The commitment, joy and responsibility of bringing up a child is held by the parents.
A mother’s traditional nurturing role and the father’s traditional disciplinarian role are seen as complimentary in the holistic upbringing of a child.
Even in the context of the modern society, the specific roles and responsibilities of mothers and fathers can vary widely depending on individual preferences, cultural norms, and family dynamics.
The distinct roles can overlap with the sharing of responsibilities and contributing to the well-being of the family as a whole.
When one of the roles is absent from the life of a child, parenting becomes very challenging. If a father is absent and missing, then the gap of his role within the context of a traditional family unit creates an imbalance that impacts on the child’s development.
Research shows that children who experience father absence may face emotional, behavioural, and academic challenges. They may have difficulties in forming healthy relationships and developing a positive self-concept.
Boys need the presence of a father as a role model they can aspire to grow up to become. Girls deeply feel the absence of a doting dad.
The lack of paternal involvement has significant consequences for children's development, including emotional and behavioural challenges and impacts families and communities.
That is why I think this Father’s Day cannot just be an occasion to salute those men who are present in their children’s lives.
Absent fathers affect all of us. This day should be about challenging all men to look in the mirror and ask themselves what they will do in their corner to end fatherlessness in our country.
The number of single-parent households is growing. Mothers are left alone to carry the burden of raising children.
Their sons grow up without witnessing an acceptable standard of what is a good husband, partner and companion to a wife.
The boys grow up with resentment and may fail to form healthy relationships when they become older.
As men we must rise and throw our weight behind legitimate initiatives that seek to address the impact of absent fathers.
For example, find out which NGO is in your hood that focuses on supporting boys and young men, and then do your part by contributing your time, resources and become a good role model.
Maybe, help a brother with whom you have a trustworthy relationship to understand why he needs to retrace his steps and be present in his children’s lives unless there are valid legal or other reasons that he cannot do so.
If you think it is too complex, why don’t you just try to engage with a young man in the different spaces you are involved in - be at work, at church, or any space - checking in whether they are okay or need any help and encourage them. Just reach out, sincerely.
The extension of a helping hand will go a long way to motivate someone.
Young men of today deserve to know that they are not alone in the journey to adulthood when some may become fathers who will need to be present in the lives of their children.
By committing to supporting them and becoming good role models, we will be investing in the future soundness and well-being of our communities.
Let’s make this Father’s Day a different one, a meaningful one.